5- Who invited the BOYS?
Our reunion is co-ed because, apparently, someone decided to invite the graduates from the all-boys school. The school I attended was an all-girls school. I spent four years in polyester, knee socks, saddle shoes, and hairspray. There were no boys. I would have remembered boys.
4- I'm fresh out of Aqua Net.
The time spent teasing and spraying my hair in those four years have taken their toll. I'm fresh out.
3- I forgot to lose weight.
I meant to do this when I graduated, instead I went to college, got married, had a bunch of kids, and before you know it, found myself opening an invitation to my 25th high school reunion. I opened the envelope and took a look at myself "shit! I'm still fat. I can't go there looking like this", threw the invite in the trash, and headed out to WalMart (where appearances do not matter)
2- I'm brutally honest when drunk.
Chances are, if you and I are sharing 1,2, or 10 glasses of wine, I am probably going to tell you things I shouldn't. With someone I haven't seen in 25 years? The possibilities are endless.
You all go ahead and make merry at the reunion. I'll sit at home with my glass(es) of wine, silently judging your pictures from the event. Trust me, it's better for all of us this way.